If Hell Had A Jukebox
by media-whore
Summary: When a certain drunken. golden eyed guitarist crosses paths with Rin, one of the notorious poparatzi, life could get just a little more interesting...
1. Keeping Up Appearances

If Hell Had A Jukebox

Disclaimer: I don't own Inuyasha or the characters or anything good like that, but the story's mine, at least.

Ch.1

            To be blunt, Sesshoumaru was very pissed of. Running a hand through his hair, he was faintly annoyed that they had forced him wash the fake silver coloring out. Apparently the piss monkeys running the station thought the cell had an nice, clean-cut image to keep. Hopefully none of the police on duty would think to make him remove his gold-tinted contacts. Revealing bloodshot eyes, courtesy of a few too bottles of vodka, to cops was not something he was overly eager to do. At least they had enough respect for him to give him a private cell. Not that it mattered; he would be out of this shit-hole as soon as his attorney came to pick him up the limo. He doubted he would even go to court for something as trivial as drunk driving, after all what self-respecting celebrity didn't drive around L.A. intoxicated? Still, being a millionaire should at least give someone the right to suffer through a hangover on a ridiculously expensive leather couch rather than a jail cell. 

            Sesshoumaru winced as the clang of the opening cell door tormented his already-pained head and the annoying squeak of his assistant assaulted his ears.

            "Mr. Sonja, I apologize for any inconvenience that may have been caused by my inexcusable tardiness!" His green-haired, pimple covered assistant was practically groveling at his employer's feet. Annoyed that it wasn't someone useful, like his late attorney for instance, he only mumbled a few curses to the young man.

            "You're attorney is unable to come until tomorrow morning, Mr. Sonja. He's not nearly as loyal to the wonderful Mr. Sonja as me! Unfortunately, these ignorant police officers won't allow you to be released into my custody, only his, when he comes in the morning. My apologies, Mr. Sonja."

            His assistant's constant yammering was defiantly not improving Sesshoumaru's hangover headache and worse still, he was expected to spend the night in a stone room that reeked of urine. Sesshoumaru was not pleased.

            "Jaken…."

            "Yes, Mr. Sonja?"

            "Fuck off."

Across town, at the MuzzaMuzza Café, only one table was filled on this particular afternoon. The occupants sat sipping iced tea and eating their overpriced entrees despite the overcast skies and the weatherman's warning of a summer thunderstorm. Sitting primly in one of the garden chairs surrounding the table, a blonde was carefully brushing on a healthy blush and examining her compact mirror for any hint that her wrinkles were sneaking through her makeup mask. Apparently satisfied with her reflection, she looked across the table to find her companion shoveling mounds of lasagna into her mouth. Frowning in disapproval, the blonde decided it was far past time to bring out the real purpose of this little gathering. 

            Abruptly snapping the makeup case shut and successfully drawing her acquaintance's attention from her pasta, the woman spoke, sounding more like a waitress who had one too many cigarettes than someone with a Gucci purse.

            "Rin, if you wouldn't mind taking a break from developing that Miss Piggy figure of yours, I would like to remind you that this is a _business _lunch. Therefore, we have business to discuss. Rather important business at that."

            The black-haired girl, Rin, regretfully laid down her fork and faked a sigh as she glanced down at her slightly chunky figure.

            "Mrs. Retaa, you know I tried to loose weight. I had to give up on the diet when it interfered with my cultivation of my bootylicious behind. That's the area I receive all my artistic motivation from and if I lost my beefy ass, then we wouldn't have much business at all." Rin had to quickly suppress a giggle at Mrs. Retaa's horrified expression.

            However, after a sip of her iced tea, her composure had returned. The blonde even managed to muster up a glare for the younger girl before lacing her hands over the table, a sign that a business discussion was coming up despite any obstacles.

            "Although I should simply ignore that _very _inappropriate comment, I do think I should remind you that you Poparatzi are no talent, obnoxious, failed artist. Apparently you forgot. Business is getting scarce these days and, frankly, you need this assignment."

            Rin's sigh wasn't part of a stunt at all this time; the woman had managed to suck the fun out of Rin's lunch. Twirling her fork, if only to have something study other than her boss's eyes, Rin said, "I'm sorry. I guess it was a little out of place. I've still have dibbs on this picture though?"

            Smirking in the typical evil old lady fashion, Mrs. Retaa nodded. "Sesshoumaru Sonja. Icy guitarist extraordinaire. Of course, I had Lucille look up all his information for you this morning." After handing the slightly starry eyed girl the slip of paper, she uncrossed her legs and stood to leave. "Aren't I a doll? Most people wouldn't bother, you're very lucky to have me around you know."

            Rin slowly nodded in her fan girl daze. Sesshoumaru, the sexy beast of sexy beasts! She was actually going to be close enough to take pictures of the sex god himself. The killjoy, Mrs. Retaa, had actually gotten her a job snapping shots of Sesshoumaru! Squealing girlishly, Rin leapt from her chair and threw her arms around the woman.

            Slowly disentangling herself from Rin, Mrs. Retaa smoothed out her skirt and patted her hair back into place. The woman gave a small chough of embarrassment before speaking, "You do realize that Sesshoumaru has never been exactly friendly with the press? He's the type you expect to have attack your car with a golf club when you cut him off in traffic. I thought a female might have better luck with him, although it would help if your figure was a bit more…feminine."

            Rin, however, had returned to her dazed state as a bus drove by the pair of women. Rin followed it with her eyes starring dreamily at the picture of Sesshoumaru's face featured in some random advertisement.

            "Rin."

            "Rin."

_"Rin."_

Receiving no response, Mrs. Retaa hmphed at the girl's failure to pay and attention. She stalked back to the table, leaving the required amount, before heading off to the parking lot leaving Rin gawking in the street.

If you liked it, review it. If I get some encouraging reviews, I'll churn out another chapter.

Of course the lovey dovey parts won't come out for a while, since this won't be a Rin-and-Sesshoumaru-magically-fall-in-love-immediately-fic. And yes, Rin is a little chunky and Sesshoumaru has an itsy bitsy alcohol problem. Why? Because this is set in real life and I hate to break to y'all, but life isn't perfect. That's why there's Walgreen's. 


	2. Trailor Park Behavior

I wasn't going to finish this (I know, I need a finish-what-you-started lecture) but in my summer boredom I was looking over my stories and that gave me some ideas. So, now everyone gets to read the second chapter! Yay!  
  
Ch.2  
  
"So, tell me again why you're here? This is my story, you know that right?" questioned a rather annoyed Rin as she glared at the driver's seat ahead of her.  
  
"I certainly hope so, seeing as how this is the fifth time you've politely informed me of that," a young male voice replied in exasperation. "You know good and well that I was assigned to play babysitter."  
  
Rin resisted the urge to roll her eyes at her companion. Having some freak trail her around was going to severely lessen her chances of getting up close and personal with the drool-worthy Sesshoumaru.  
  
"Jesus Christ! I'm 25 and I need a babysitter? It's not like I'm going to go corner Sesshoumaru in an alley and rape him. I'm perfectly capable of controlling myself." Rin ended her rant with a snort while she assumed her favorite pouting pose complete with crossed arms and pinched lips.  
  
Violet eyes caught sight of the girl fuming in the back of the van through the rear-view mirror and he couldn't resist a snicker at the scene which reminded him very much of a pouting five year old. "Shouldn't you be perfecting your make-up or practicing sucking in your fat or something instead of sitting there glaring at me? We're all most there."  
  
Rin merely hmphed at his insulted, realizing that there were more important things to attend to than arguing with her coworker, Rin pulled out her handy-dandy compact mirror and began primping her hair. Suddenly, Rin's ears detected a familiar crinkling sound. Out of the corner of her eye, she spotted the noise's source. The driver's hand was digging through something in the passenger's seat and Rin was practically drooling by the time the hand had retrieved its prize. As the delightfully plump glazed doughnut was being raised to the driver's mouth, Rin broke her trance with a high pitched squeal.

"Inuyasha! I want one. Please, please, please, please!"  
  
The driver turned around and laughed at the pleading girl.  
  
"Hell no! There's only one and it's a Krispy Kreme, so you'll just have to live without it."  
  
Rin felt her stomach rumble and she knew she could not survive without that doughnut. Reaching forward and grapping a handful of black hair, Rin began that desperate struggle for the doughnut. Inuyasha, who was not about to give up his tasty treat, almost had the doughnut to his lips and was preparing to cram it down his face while laughing at his coworker when suddenly the car lurched forward flinging the doughnut from his hands.  
  
Turning his attention back to the road, Inuyasha was horrified to find that he was no longer on the road. The front of his van had been demolished along with the side of a long white limo.  
  
Rin, peeking around the driver's seat, was the first to speak, "Oh my god..."  
  
"You said that right sister," replied Inuyasha as he forced open his car door to meet man rushing from the front of the limo, presumably the limo's chauffeur.  
  
Inuyasha stood nervously running a hand through his hair as a Mexican wringing a chauffeur's hat in his hands ran to survey the damage. Groaning and mumbling in Spanish the man seemed to grow more and more pathetic the longer he looked at the wreck. Hoping the man would stay that way instead of turning angry, Inuyasha approached him.  
  
"Sir, the accident was obviously my fault since you were parked. I'll pay for all the damages. Do you need my insurance card?"  
  
"You? You did this?" asked the Mexican. Inuyasha nodded in reply. "Then I suggest you leave very, very fast! Mr. Sonja will be so angry and Mr. Sonja does not control his anger very well."  
  
Rin hurried out of the van when she heard her idol's name. "This is great!" Rin said grinning widely as she approached the two men. "Now we can meet Sesshoumaru and get the greatest story ever!"  
  
Inuyasha slowly shook his head at the young woman. "Rin, you are an idiot," he said as he rubbed his upper nose. A headache was coming on strong and it was only eight o'clock.  
  
"Hey! HEY! What happened to Mr. Sonja's limo?" squeaked a young man as he sprinted towards the group. Coming to a stop he attempted to glare threateningly at them, however the look lost much of its effect when it was combined with green hair and acme.  
  
Much to the newcomer's displeasure, Rin began giggling happily. "Mr. Jaken! I've heard of you. Will Sesshoumaru be out soon? I'm dying to meet him. He's just so handsome!"  
  
Before Jaken could speak, he saw from the corner of his eye, the man in question standing not far behind him accompanied by a smaller figure, the attorney.  
  
"Speak of the devil," mumbled Inuyasha as he nervously eyed the infamous Sesshoumaru. The star was at least a head taller and Inuyasha suspected that if the Mexican was right, he might be leaving a little ruffed up.  
  
Rin simply stood there blushing madly and she looked over her favorite celebrity.  
  
Sesshoumaru ignoring the poparatzi pair stared down at his two employees, "Is anyone going to explain to me how my limo has acquired a new attachment?"  
  
Inuyasha timidly stepped forward, "Well sir, it all started with a doughnut..."  
  
Sesshoumaru's lips slowly curled into a snarl. "A doughnut?!"  
  
Without waiting for a confirmation Sesshoumaru released his anger with a swift punch to Inuyasha's gut.  
  
Rin's eyes grew very, very wide at her idol's behavior. It was just so manly! Stepping over her fallen assistant, she opened her mouth to speak to Sesshoumaru, but he had already turned to his attorney.  
  
"I suppose I'm going back in that damned cell. We're going to need some more bond money and some aspirin." With that Sesshoumaru and his employees turned to meet a running trio of police and Rin was left to tend to a groaning Inuyasha.  
  
While lightly rubbing his stomach in hopes of easing the pain, Inuyasha said, "That was your beloved Sesshoumaru? I hope you have a more realistic opinion of him now."  
  
"Of course! He's much more manly and much more handsome then the magazine pictures lead you to believe."


End file.
